A while back I decided who I wanted to be.
Only to realize that my list of specifics
was comprised of the word "don't"

A list of things that I feared I'd become
A list of figures and places

Well, I have an update for that list
add to the end, right behind
"like everyone else" and "alone,"
put "where I am now"

because now seems to have a lot of pretending
now seems to waste a lot of time
now seems to be a lot like my list

We don't know when the first of the lasts began
all we know is when they began to feel acute
like an ice cube down your back.

Approaching the finish line, thoughts pulsed through my head
the ones the icebox told us to avoid
you must do this, one last time

They said, all day, they couldn't wait
for what? to avoid those icy days?
and the yellow leaves, and me?

Now I look ahead at empty hours
like empty pages to be filled
a daunting task

Today I saw the sun for the first time in weeks.
Well, besides yesterday.
And I lay in a warm beam like an old cat
and wished
and wished
that this day wasn't the last I was going to have
until snow heaves from the sky.